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15th-Jul-2012 11:20 pm - In the Beginning

Title: In the beginning: Kangteuk
Pairing: Kangteuk (Heechul also prominent in the story)
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst (bit not much)
Rating:pg-13/R (language, implied sex)
Summary: Part of a larger work in progress in which the story is told of how my favorite otps all came to be. This is the first chapter/part/installment and of course I had to start with my all time favorite forever Kangteuk. 

A/N: So I've been doing the Kangin homecoming challenge, which has been, well challenging. They all are turning out wrong. I'm sorry to say I do not think I will be completing the challenge. So I decided to start this instead. Things went more smoothly. I do intend on completing this with all my favorite pairings. Some author's can write the whole coming out angst so beautifully it breaks my heart. I can't. This is my best attempt. So be warned. I am just proud that I just got this one down on paper because it's been begging to be let out for a long time. Hope you like it and look for more in the future! Comments are love (love me please?)

In the Beginning: Kangteuk

“You know you could at least pretend to be having a good time” Heechul remarked to Kangin from across the table. “It is Sungmin’s Birthday after all.”

Kangin merely growled in response. It was Sungmin’s birthday and the whole group had decided to go to a local club to celebrate. The only problem was Kangin was having a terrible time. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his dongsaeng or that he wanted to intentionally ruin the fun, Kangin was just in a bad mood. As soon as they had arrived Kangin had made a beeline for one of the corner booths bordering the dance floor, and there he had stayed all night. Other members had come and gone, having an uncomfortable drink or too before moving out to the dance floor. No one wanted to stay too close to a grumpy Kangin. Except for Heechul who seemed to revel in Kangin’s bad mood.

Kangin knew he was being a party pooper, but he didn’t seem to know how to stop.

“You’re one to talk” Donghae poked Heechul in the ribs. “You’ve been over here all night just texting on your phone!”

“YAH” Heechul yelped. “I’ve been on my phone inviting other people to come join the fun. Unlike grumpy gills over here” He gestured to Kangin who growled again “I am trying to add to the atmosphere, not take away from it.” He glared at Kangin. Kangin glared right back. It didn’t matter how much Heechul needled him, Kangin was not going to take the bait.

The song in the club changed to something familiar. It was one of Super Junior’s own songs.

“C’mon hyungs! You guys have to dance to this one!” Donghae insisted. The other members were already amassing out on the floor into the formation for their routine.

Heechul shook his head “Sorry Donghae, you know I don’t dance in public” Donghae turned his hopeful eyes to Kangin, who looked like he seriously might bite his dongsaeng. Donghae’s face fell as he realized he would not be able to convince either of his hyungs to dance. He quickly downed his drink and made his way out to the floor to join the massive dance party.

Heechul glared at Kangin and flipped his phone shut violently. “You made him sad.” It was no secret that Donghae was Heechul’s favorite dongsaeng.

You made him sad too.” Kangin snapped back. Truth be told he did feel guilty. No one made Donghae sad without feeling guilty. But Kangin was too far wrapped up in his own misery and anger to even let it bother him right now.

“Look Kangin, just because Leeteuk ain’t giving you any lately does not give you an excuse to act like a little bitch!”

Kangin’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. He looked remarkably like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi truck, which coincidentally is exactly what Kangin felt like.

He realized Heechul was joking. He must’ve been joking, because no one, not even secret master Heechul who could get the dirt on anyone, knew that Kangin and Leeteuk were romantically involved. Sure the members had all at one time or another joked about Kangteuk being real, but they had been able to pass it off as fan service. Kangin and Leeteuk were friends and roommates. They were understandably close. No one knew the truth.

Kangin and Leeteuk had taken great pains to hide their relationship from everyone. It was just safer that way. If the media had somehow gotten wind of the fact that Kangin and Leeteuk were gay the scandal that was sure to follow would mean the end of their careers, and probably spell the end of Super Junior as well. Neither Leeteuk nor Kangin was willing to risk that happening.

Kangin knew there was no conceivable way that Heechul could have found out about them. Just like there was no conceivable way that Heechul could have known that earlier that week Kangin and Leeteuk had had an argument, and that Kangin was in fact not currently “getting any”. Kangin realized there was no way for Heechul to know these things and that he was joking.

But Kangin also realized he had been silent too long when Heechul said – “Oh. My. God.” There was ice in his voice, and Kangin realized it was already too late. He felt the bottom of his stomach drop out.

Adrenaline flooded Kangin’s veins as his body went hot, then cold, then hot again. His whole world was shattering. Because Heechul was piecing it together.

He still met Heechul’s hardened gaze squarely though. Kangin was many things, but he was not a coward.  

“I’m right aren’t I? Holy Shit. Holy Fucking Shit!” Heechul was about to lose it and Kangin did not want that to happen. Not here in the busy club where even the pounding bass was probably not enough to stop someone from overhearing.

“Heechul.” Kangin said with gritted teeth. “Please calm down.” He didn’t try to deny it. He already knew it was too late. Heechul was putting two and two together to make four and it didn’t matter now what Kangin said.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN?!” Heechul yelped. “You calm down!” Kangin blinked in surprise, but he forgave Heechul’s lack of logic considering the situation.

Heechul rounded on Kangin. “How long?” He demanded.

“What?” Kangin had not been expecting this line of questioning. Tears, frustration, disgust, sure, but this was unexpected.

“How. Long.” Heechul demanded again, the ice in his voice replaced with iron.

Kangin thought back.

 “I love you.” Kangin said, brushing the hair back from Leeteuk’s face. Leeteuk turned away.

“Kangin you know boys can’t love one another like that.”

“I don’t care. I love you and I know you love me.” He wasn’t kidding around. Leeteuk’s eyes filled with tears. Kangin continued “I don’t care if you think it’s wrong. I don’t care if THEY think it’s wrong. I love you and I know that you are going to be amazing tomorrow.”

“Thank you” Leeteuk said in a very small voice. “I think you will do an amazing job too.” 

“And?” Kangin prompted grinning cheekily. Leeteuk chuckled, albeit a very watery chuckle. “And I love you too.”

That had been two years ago right before Super Junior’s first public performance, but Kangin knew it was earlier than that. There had been the months of flirting, desperate kisses, and even sex before the L-word had ever been mentioned.

 “Youngwoon- ah” Jungsu cried out. “Right there-oh god oh god oh god oh god”

If Youngwoon hadn’t been trying so hard to rein himself in he might’ve echoed that sentiment. As it was it was all he could do to keep his hips from pounding Jungsu within an inch of his life. Oh god. He thought to himself as Jungsu squeezed around him.

But even before that had been the terrible months of ignoring the elephant in the room. The weeks filled with the depression and self doubt that came with questioning your sexual orientation.

 “Hey Jungsu” Youngwoon called into their shared dorm room “Some of the other trainees are going to go grab some patbingsu. Wanna come?”

“No *sniffle* that’s ok” Was Jungsu crying again? Youngwoon wondered. The boy cried an awful lot and each time he did it did funny things to Youngwoon’s stomach.

“What’s wrong?” He asked coming into the room. Jungsu was curled up on the bed with his back towards the door. “N-nothing” He stammered.

Youngwoon rolled his eyes. “That was far from convincing hyung. Spill.” He sat on the edge of the bed and gently laid a hand on Jungsu’s shoulder.

Jungsu shrugged it off.

“Hyung?”  He asked even more gently.

“Don’t touch me!” Jungsu yelled violently. He sat up and glared at Youngwoon. “Don’t touch me I’m poison! I ruin everything I touch! So just stay away!” He gave up and just dissolved into tears.

Youngwoon moved to embrace his friend. “Hyung. I don’t think you’re poison. I think you are wonderful, and nice, and funny.” Youngwoon knew Jungsu struggled with his self esteem. They all did at one point or another; it was a natural consequence of working in an industry based solely on how talented and good looking a person was. Usually Youngwoon could just reassure Jungsu with a few kind words and a hug. Not this time though.

“Stop being nice to me!” Jungsu demanded tearfully. “I don’t deserve it. If you knew the truth about me you wouldn’t say things like that.”

Youngwoon held his friend tighter, silently lamenting the fact that he would not be able to get any patbingsu with the other trainees, but he really couldn’t leave Jungsu in this state.

“Whatever it is you’ve done hyung. I’m sure it’ll all be okay.”He tried to comfort Jungsu again.

Jungsu sobbed. “What if it’s not something I’ve done, Youngwoon? What if it’s who I am?” He asked.

Youngwoon wasn’t sure if this was a rhetorical question or not.

“C’mon Hyung, please tell me what’s the matter.” Youngwoon pleaded.

“I-I can’t” Jungsu sniffled. “You’ll hate me.”

“Jungsu, speaking as your friend, I can honestly say there is nothing you could do or say or be that would make me think any less of you.” Youngwoon replied.

This just made Jungsu cry harder.

“I-I like someone” Jungsu finally confessed after several minutes.

Youngwoon was a bit taken aback. Usually liking someone did not make a person break down into tears. Also hearing Jungsu say that he liked someone made Youngwoon unconsciously bristle and he didn’t know why.

“So what’s the problem?” Youngwoon asked. He was still young and knew next to nothing about romance apart from what he had seen in the movies. If you liked someone you told them so. End of story.

“The problem is they can’t like me back.”

“Nonsense Hyung!” Youngwoon said still thinking this was a problem of Jungsu’s low self esteem. “What’s not to like? You’re a great guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Jungsu sobbed again. “What if- What if it’s not a girl?”

Youngwoon jerked back without thinking. “What you mean like a guy?” Jungsu nodded miserably. Youngwoon’s mind went into overdrive. This was not something he had any experience in at all. He had been taught from a very early age that being homosexual was wrong, that it was bad. He knew it was wrong, but he didn’t want to make Jungsu feel worse than he clearly already did.

“Youngwoon-“Jungsu said very quietly. “That’s not all.” Youngwoon furrowed his brows because what Jungsu just said was about all that he could handle right now.

“It’s you.”

Youngwoon scrambled off the bed. What he did next he was not particularly proud of- he ran. He ran out of the room and down the hall. He ran out of the building, passed his friends who were still waiting for him to go get patbingsu. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore.  He ran away so he didn’t see Jungsu collapse back on the bed in silent desperate tears, but Youngwoon knew that was what happened.

Youngwoon collapsed onto a nearby park bench and cradled his head in his hands. He desperately tried to get his head around what had just happened, but he couldn’t hear himself think over the sound of his heart pounding in his chest.


Later that night after his heart had stopped trying to kill him, Youngwoon returned to his room.  He was partially relieved to see Jungsu sitting up at his desk using the computer.

“Hey” Youngwoon said awkwardly.

“Hey” Jungsu replied, not looking at him.

“I-uh-I think I’m going to crash in Heechul and Yunho’s room for the night if that’s ok…”

Jungsu nodded. Like he had expected nothing more. “Yeah that’s fine. We can maybe ask Manager-hyung tomorrow about switching rooms or something-“Jungsu said bravely. His voice barely shaking.

Youngwoon’s heart palpitations returned with a vengeance. He felt like the lowest person on the planet. He knew what Jungsu was going through must be tough, but Youngwoon really couldn’t see passed his own discomfort.

“Jungsu-“He began.

“Don’t” Jungsu cut him off. “It’s ok. I understand.”

No you don’t! Youngwoon thought to himself. Because I don’t fully understand myself. “O-ok. I’ll just uh go.” Youngwoon quickly gathered his stuff and for the second time that day he fled.


His one night of crashing on Heechul and Yunho’s floor turned into two, then three, then four and before he knew it a week had gone by.

He hadn’t talked to Jungsu since that night. But neither had he gone to ask about different room arrangements and he knew Jungsu hadn’t either.

Youngwoon wasn’t sure why.

They avoided each other. Their other friends just thought they were having a rather intense roommate feud, it had happened before just never this bad. Youngwoon didn’t feel the need to disillusion them.

He knew he and Jungsu couldn’t keep this up forever, and sooner or later things would come to a head. He had heard from Sungmin that Jungsu wasn’t eating at meals. From what Youngwoon could see from practice Jungsu wasn’t sleeping either.

Youngwoon also couldn’t sleep at night and he knew it wasn’t due entirely to the fact that he was sleeping on the cold hard floor. He was too wrapped up in his own guilt and doubt to fully realize the toll this was taking on Jungsu- until the day Jungsu collapsed, right in the middle of dance class.

They took him to the hospital to recover and Youngwoon knew he had to be there when Jungsu woke up.


“You are stupid” Was the first thing out of his mouth when Jungsu opened his eyes. It was not what Youngwoon had planned to say but it was what came out so he decided just to roll with it.

“You are so stupid. You can’t even take care of yourself properly!” Youngwoon wasn’t angry as much as worried. He sighed. “But then I guess I’m pretty stupid too”

Jungsu just watched him with eyes wide “Youngwoon you don’t have to-“

“No. I really think I do.” Youngwoon took a deep breath. Now came the hard part. “I’m sorry I’m such an idiot. I didn’t mean to react like that- it just happened and then it was too late for me to take it back”

“I meant what I said, even if I didn’t act like it. You’re my best friend Jungsu- there is nothing, nothing, you could ever do that would ever change that.”

Jungsu was openly crying now. Youngwoon could feel tears pricking at the corners of his own eyes. “I was just being stupid, and scared because-“And now for the part Youngwoon had been dreading the most. “Because I feel the same way. About you.” There he had said it.

Jungsu looked stunned. “What are you saying?”

Youngwoon took another deep breath. “I’m saying that I, Youngwoon, like you, Jungsu, in a way that is definitely more than friends, and is definitely not ok, but I do. I wasn’t sure what to do when you told me that you liked me, and I’m still not sure what to do now.”

Jungsu reached out a hand and Youngwoon took it. “I’m not sure either.” He admitted, giving Youngwoon’s hand a squeeze. “But let’s figure it out together.”

At that point Kangin had leaned in and brushed the tears from Leeteuk’s face, taking the time to study the beautiful brown eyes of an angel before stealing their first kiss. It had been scary, and wonderful, and heartbreaking and perfect. But Kangin knew that wasn’t the real beginning either.

“Hi I’m Jungsu” The thin boy held out a hand for Youngwoon to shake. “Youngwoon” he replied.

“Guess we’re new roommates huh?” Youngwoon hoped that Jungsu wasn’t as chatty as his last roommate Jaejoong. “Yeah” He replied. It was then he tripped over his own feet hauling in his two duffle bags of clothes.

Jungsu giggled a high pitched infectious laugh. And Youngwoon knew.

“Since… Since the beginning” Kangin answered Heechul.

Heechul gripped the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turned white. “You mean to tell me” He said with gritted teeth “That you and Leeteuk have been together for two whole fucking years and you never told anyone.”

Kangin shook his head. “No Heechul. The very beginning.” Before there had been a Leeteuk or a Kangin, before they had ever even been a project group called Super Junior.

“Five years? FIVE FUCKING YEARS?!” Heechul yelled. Kangin hastily shushed him. “Five years and you haven’t told anyone?”

Kangin nodded (Had it really been 5 years?). He didn’t really understand why Heechul was upset about the fact that it had been five years, but at least he wasn’t cursing them out just yet.

“Give or take. And who would we have told anyways Heechul?” Kangin asked rhetorically. “Neither one of us is really too eager to become a netizen’s martyr.”

“You should have said something.” Heechul said his voice hard. “You need to say something.”

“Heechul-“Kangin protested. Leeteuk was really going to kill him now.

“No Kangin. You tell them. Or I will.” Kangin knew it was not an empty threat. This information in the hands of someone as dangerous as Heechul could result in nothing short of catastrophe.

“Tell who Heechul? Cause we sure as hell are not telling the fans!” Kangin fear was being replaced with anger.

Heechul flipped his hair. “Not the fans. Not even management. But the other members. You’re potentially putting their careers at risk. You owe them an explanation at least.”

Kangin knew Heechul was right, he just couldn’t figure out Heechul’s motivation. Heechul hadn’t reacted in any of the ways Kangin had thought he would. He hadn’t said a word of disgust or disapproval for being gay. Heechul had only expressed disapproval for the secrecy from the other members. Kangin knew Heechul was not noble or idealistic enough to be upset just because Kangin and Leeteuk had hid their relationship from the band for 5 years. But Kangin also knew he would never figure Heechul out, and it was useless to try now. He had bigger problems on his hands.

“Ok ok we’ll tell them. Just don’t say anything ok? We’ll do it just give us some time alright?” Heechul looked away.

“Fine. But do it. And do it soon. God I need a drink.” Heechul slipped out of the booth and made his way to the bar. Kangin watched him go, feeling the same way.

He needed a strong drink, because the song was ending and Leeteuk was on his way back to the table.

Heechul glared at Leeteuk as they passed each other.

“What was that about?” Leeteuk asked, sliding into the seat next to Kangin.  Kangin just shrugged.

“Baby?” Leeteuk said pitching his voice low enough that there was no risk of them being overheard. “I’m sorry about before. I was just being stupid. Forgive me?” He leaned in and pressed a soft open mouthed kiss to the side of Kangin’s neck.

Kangin knew Leeteuk had to be more than a little drunk to be acting like that here.   “Leeteuk.” Kangin said warningly. Leeteuk didn’t seem to hear.  “Jungsu.” He tried again, that got Leeteuk’s attention. “Heechul knows.”

Leeteuk sat up straight as a rod. “He knows? What do you mean he knows?”

Kangin sighed. “I mean he knows knows”

“He know knows?”  Leeteuk asked. He smacked Kangin painfully across the arm. “You TOLD him?!” Leeteuk’s face mirrored the expression Kangin had earlier, a deer in the headlights.

“I didn’t tell him!” Kangin defended himself. He hadn’t, not in so many words. “He guessed!”

“You must have said something!” Leeteuk pointed out shrilly. Kangin could tell from experience that Leeteuk was going into panic mode. “How else could he have guessed?”

Kangin gestured wildly “I don’t know. He’s HEECHUL!” That was explanation enough.

“Oh my god what are we going to do?” Leeteuk asked, sounding lost. If Kangin hadn’t actually been afraid of getting murdered right then and there he might have reached out, gathered Leeteuk into his arms and held his lover close until he had calmed down- Just like old times. But Kangin didn’t have time for that, there was more that Leeteuk had to know.

“Er- Leeteuk? There’s more”

Leeteuk furrowed his brow. He was still trying to process the fact that after so long, Kangin had slipped up and spilled the beans.

“More? What more could there possibly be Kangin? It’s over! We’re ruined. You know Heechul is going to tell everyone! We’re dead men”

Kangin grimaced, “Well, I did manage to convince him not to tell anyone just yet on one condition-“

“And that is?” Leeteuk prompted. He was not  happy.

“That we ah- that we tell everyone- just the members that is” Kangin amended quickly. “Ourselves. Soon.”

“WHAT?!” Leeteuk exploded.

Kangin took was he was sure was his last breath, because he knew Leeteuk was actually going to kill him now.


Next up: Hanchul, and a bit more Kangteuk if Leeteuk doesn't actually kill Kangin :)

11th-Jul-2012 10:08 pm - Regrets

Title: Regrets
Pairing: Kangin and Hangeng (implied Kanteuk and Hanchul because that's how I roll bitches)
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst? Drama?
Summary: Kangin is searching for answers that only Hangeng can give him so he flies to China. Written for the Kangin Homecoming challenge thinger.

A/N: I know I haven't written anything in ages but lately I've been stalking Miracle______ and have been getting the itch back into my fingers. I saw the recent challenge regarding Kangin's homecoming and decided I'd give it a shot. I don't think I'm going to make the deadline, and I haven't officially signed up but I'm considering this as warm-up because I have about 2 years worth of fanfics rolling around in my brain that are just begging to be let out. I'm sorry if this is against the rules or something. I don't mean to offend, or to take away attention from the writers who are actively participating in the challenge. I'm just going to try my best to get these all up by the 15th. Comments are love, and please be kind I am very very rusty at this.

Kangin/Hangeng: Regrets (1,415 words)

“I am not sure why you are here” The tall man said setting his half empty mug of beer down on the bar. “If he had wanted to talk he should have come himself. I never pegged you for a message boy”

The larger man at his side bristled at this, clenching his hands into fists. No. He thought to himself. That was what the old Kangin would have done. He would have risen to the bait in Hangeng’s words. New Kangin, responsible Kangin, was here for a reason and getting angry now would just complicate things.

Hangeng knew that, presumably. He had always been sharp, perceptive behind his careful speech. He had never been cruel, had always been so patient. But something had changed inside of him. Kangin could tell.

In Korea Hangeng had been quiet, careful, craving the spotlight but being holding himself back. In China things were different. Here Hangeng would never be told he wasn’t witty enough in a language he could barely understand. He would never be told to go home and let a real Korean have his place. He would never be threatened, never subjected to verbal abuse from the crowd. In China Hangeng could shine as brightly as he wanted and no one could overshadow him. The fame had maybe gone to his head.

Kangin had been called many things throughout the years, but perceptive was not one of them, but he was trying his best. He was trying to think his actions through and not be so impulsive. Most of all he was trying to understand how other people felt, and how his own actions had consequences for them.

  Kangin could see the guarded look in Hangeng’s eyes, not fear, but wariness of old wounds that might be ripped open once again.  He knew it could not have been easy to leave, but part of Kangin just needed to hear it out loud from Hangeng’s own lips.

“Hangeng” Kangin said gently “He didn’t send me. I came on my own.”  Again there was a flicker of hurt in Hangeng’s eyes. The first real emotion Kangin had seen there not to be swallowed up by the cold glittering look Hangeng seemed to constantly wear now.

“I thought- when you came- I thought it-“ Hangeng couldn’t say it, so Kangin said it for him. “It is easier for me to come here than him.”

Hangeng misinterpreted Kangin’s meaning. “He is still very angry then.  I thought maybe after this long…”

“No no. I mean he’s doing his service right now. He won’t be out for another year or so-you didn’t know?” 

Hangeng shook his head and downed the rest of his beer. “They do not tell me anything these days. I am not allowed to even contact Leeteuk. I still talk with Zhoumi and Henry sometimes.” The other went on. “They are less watched than the others.” Hangeng sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Kangin could almost read what the other was thinking because it was the same thing on his own mind. When had life become so complicated?

“Hangeng-“ Kangin began but the other cut him off “Do not say it. I do not want to hear. I made my bed and now I should nap in it. I know.” Kangin hid a sad smile behind his own mug of beer. Hangeng could never quite grasp idioms, although his Korean was still good.  He must still practice. Kangin thought to himself.

 “I wish I did not have to.”

Kangin shifted uncomfortably. “That’s actually why I’m here.”  Hangeng raised a questioning brow. “I came to ask how you felt about everything that happened, if you had any regrets”

“Regret?”Hangeng said as if tasting the word. “Regret?!” He said again, angrier this time, because the word was a bitter band of iron around his heart that all the fame and stardom in the world could not undo, and Kangin was beginning to see that.

“Of course I regret.” Hangeng spat. “if regret means wishing I could take it back I would.”

“Take what back?” Kangin pressed. He could tell Hangeng was hurting now, but he needed to hear it.

“All of it. Everything. I wish I had never auditioned, never went to Korea. Then I would not have had to leave him. “

Kangin was surprised. “He’s not the only one you left.” He pointed out. Kangin was doubly surprised by the hurt in his own voice. Kangin was not an emotional guy by nature. That was for Leeteuk or Sungmin, not for him. He tried to brush it off as he had originally, tried to tell himself he was just hurt because of what Hangeng had done to the others, to their family. But he knew it was useless, because for Kangin it was more personal than that. He was not just hurt because Hangeng’s leaving had caused the others pain, but because it had harmed him, Kangin, on a deeply personal level. Along with that came the burning shame of the pain he himself had caused to the members of Super Junior, all of whom he loved dearly. He needed to know if Hangeng felt any of the same things he did.

Hangeng raised his eyes sadly to answer Kangin. “I know. But he is the one in my heart.” Then he shook his head. “No that is not right. You are all in my heart. I just mean… “ Hangeng could not find the words to explain but he tried. “If you had to go away somewhere” And here Kangin shifted even more uncomfortably “You would miss everyone. But you would miss Leeteuk most of all. That is what it is like. I am the most sorry for Heechul. Because he is the one I wanted least to hurt and I know he is the one I hurt the most. Do you know what I mean?”

And Kangin did know.  “I guess you probably haven’t heard but I just got done with my military service.” Hangeng started a bit at that. “I thought you were all going to go at the same time?”  It was true, that had been the original plan, at least for the older members of Super Junior, but things had been forced to change.

Kangin swallowed thickly. He had not counted on Hangeng being this far out of the loop. “I-ah, I uh messed up pretty badly, almost 2 years ago. I got in some trouble- caused a big scandal. They thought it was better I uh went away for a little while till everything calmed down.”

“Oh” Was all Hangeng said, gazing at Kangin steadily. “Why are you here again?”

Kangin was a bit taken aback by Hangeng’s reaction. He didn’t ask for details, didn’t press, didn’t say “I’m Sorry”. Kangin was insanely grateful. He was also glad he had had the idea to get Hangeng pleasantly tipsy before having this conversation. It was easier that stone cold sober would have been.

“I know leaving must have hurt you. And I know that living without Heechul has got to be killing you right now. And I know how that feels.” Kangin said. “And believe me I know nothing in the world sucks more than knowing you have caused someone you love so much pain.” Hangeng said nothing, just kept his gaze on Kangin.

“I guess I was just wondering- does it ever get better? Does that guilt ever go away?”

Hangeng snorted. “Better? It does not get better.”  Kangin’s shoulders slumped. This was not the answer had had hoped to hear.

You get better.” Hangeng went on. “You learn that there are some things you cannot change.  It does not matter how sorry you are for what you’ve done, it can’t be undone. So you learn to live with it. I am told that you can learn to forgive yourself with time. I know I am not there yet. But I also know I cannot go back, so I must move forward. I must learn to live not with regret for the past, but with hope for the future. It is not easy.”

Kangin didn’t think it sounded easy. But it did sound like something he could do. “Hope instead of regret.” He mused “I like that.”

Hangeng smiled a small worn smile. “I like it too.”  

“Hey Kangin” He said as they clinked their mugs together in a silent salute to hope. “I am glad you came.” 


23rd-Apr-2011 02:26 am - Zutara Fic

Title: Just a Mistake
Pairing: Zutara (Der)
Genre: Romance
Rating: T (for TEEN)

Summary: Katara jouney's to the Fire Nation to give Lord Zuko some life changing news.

A/N: this is my first ever Zutara fanfic. I'm fairly new to the fandom (although I have been lurking for months now). I will eventually post this to my Fanfiction.net account (as soon as I can figure it out). Please let me know what you think (Loyal readers I know this is not what you are expecting but I will try and write some SJ soon ok?) Comments are love!

Just a MistakeCollapse )

“Look I’m not asking you to take responsibility. I just thought you should know” Katara didn’t dare look up. The girl who had faced down pirates, thieves, bandits, an entire navy, countless firebenders, anyone who had ever told her ‘no’ and Sokka in the morning all without flinching couldn’t quite muster the courage to meet the fire lord’s eyes.

Katara kept her head bowed, staring hard at the only bit of Zuko she could bear, the tips of his black booted toes. They were unmoving, frozen like the rest of Zuko, like he had been ever since she dropped her bombshell.

Katara having significant more time than Zuko to process the situation had already made her decisions; everything else depended on Zuko now.  She hated being dependant on anyone and she was more terrified now than she had been for a long time.

Zuko, for his part, sat completely still, body frozen, but mind racing. Several reactive emotions ran through his mind, shock, fear, denial, disbelief, guilt, anger, resentment and a tiny, tiny, nudge of something warm and shining that he didn’t have a name for.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t have enough on his plate as it was. Sure there was peace between the nations now after the Avatar defeated Ozai and Zuko was the Fire Lord, all was right in the world… except that it wasn’t. Peace, as Zuko was discovering, brought with it a whole new set of problems and in a world thrown out of balance by a century of war it took more than a few short months to heal the wounds war left behind.

He was facing opposition on every side by the Fire Nation Nobles, many of whom had grown fat off the profits of war. Other’s resented his new policies on religion and education seeing them as an assault on their ‘traditional’ way of life, never mind the fact that Zuko was just trying to lead the Fire Nation back to its true roots of greatness. He also had the largest standing Army and Navy in the entire world suddenly without jobs or funds, a dangerous situation to be sure.

 Then Zuko had the thousands of prisoners to deal with. Prisoners taken captive during the war from the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, prisoners from the Fire Nation who had refused to fight or been labeled ‘traitor’ for some minor offense, and then there were the prisoners who had actually committed crimes and deserved to be incarcerated, Zuko and the court system had the Herculean task of sorting them all out. And now on top of it all there was this.

Zuko almost hated Katara at that moment for dropping this on him. He hadn’t asked for this! He didn’t deserve this!

He was immediately ashamed of himself. It was just as much his fault as hers. Katara hadn’t asked for this either. She certainly didn’t deserve this. It was just…an accident.

Brave, strong, Katara with a passion inside her worthy of any Fire Bender, certainly didn’t deserve this. She deserved to fall in love, Zuko thought, fall in love, marry, raise children with a man who adored her, live out her life doing…well whatever it was that people did at the South Pole. She didn’t deserve for one drunken night to ruin her future, her honor.

Zuko instinctively traced his scar. Honor. He was the fire lord he could just ignore this situation and no one else could say anything, just close his eyes and wish this all away. But he had spent three years searching for his honor, and he had learned a lesson he would never forget. No one can give you your honor; you have to earn it yourself.  That was what Iroh had spent all those years trying to teach Zuko that was the reason he had abandoned everything he thought he knew to join the Avatar and fight, that was why Zuko was still fighting. He wanted to restore the Fire Nation’s Honor. How could he do that if he abandoned his own?

He glanced at Katara again. He knew from the way she was gripping her fists that she was just as scared and angry as he was, but he was not going to let that anger or fear get in the way of doing the right thing. He would not take the easy way out.

Zuko opened his mouth to speak but only a strangled raspy gasp came out. He cleared his suddenly dry seeming throat and tried again. “When is your birthday?”

Katara, startled at being addressed after such a long and rather uncomfortable silence, jumped a little. She was surprised enough to meet Zuko’s eyes for the first time since her arrival. She was shocked at the determination she saw reflected in his golden eyes, fear also, but mostly an iron resolve tempered by learned patience she knew he possessed. It was not what she had expected to find, and nor was the question he posed.

“Um… My Birthday is one week after the autumn equinox but I don’t really see what that has to do with anything.” She answered.

Zuko waved aside her comment. Fall Equinox it wasn’t that far away thank Agni. They still had time. “You’ll be Sixteen right?”

Katara nodded.

Zuko tried to smile in a reassuring way. “So you’ll be of marrying age. That gives us a little over a month to plan a wedding and make arrangements.” He tried to make it sound casual, he really did but his voice broke on the word wedding. He tried to pretend that he hadn’t just proposed to one of his worst enemies, well former worst enemies. They were certainly on better terms now but not by much.

They were barely even friends. How were they ever going to survive till death do us part? Their mere acquaintance alone had almost resulted in Zuko’s death more times than he cared to remember. Their marriage probably wouldn’t last more than a week.

 Honor. He reminded himself. I’m doing the right thing. And there was that one small corner of Zuko’s brain, the one that had contained the tiny nudge of the warm nameless feeling that seemed to grow stronger as he stared at Katara.

Katara stared back, trying to decide what shocked her more Zuko’s knowledge of Water Tribe customs or his proposal. His proposal was definitely the winner. In her wildest dreams Katara had not expected this. In all the past weeks since she had found out, all the sleepless nights she had stayed up imagining what her future might be she had never imagined this.  

Katara was an optimist, she like to believe the best of people but even she had been having a hard time seeing the silver lining in her current situation. She had been thinking worst case scenario, her family finding out, public humiliation and shame, being ostracized and forced to live on the fringes of society with the very obvious result of her indiscretion. Because Chief’s Daughter or not that was how things were done in the water tribe.

 The best case scenario Katara had barely let herself hope for was for Zuko to deny paternity publicly, then privately set her up with a house in a city far away from him and the gossip and quietly support his child.

She had not expected Zuko to be willing to sacrifice his future for hers, but as she glanced at his face once more she realized she probably should have. Zuko never gave up, not ever, not when his father gave him the impossible task of finding the Avatar, not when chasing Aang and the rest halfway round the world, not even when it came time for him to defy his father to do what was right. He would not give up on her.

Katara wasn’t sure she could let Zuko do this.

She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off.

“Before you say anything, I’m sure.” He answered her unspoken question as if he could read her mind. “If you didn’t want me to take responsibility you should never have told me. “ Honor.

“But Zuko I-“

“Look I don’t want to hear whatever self righteous reasons you have for telling me” Zuko said with the unintentional bite of his old sneer. Katara could feel her temper rising, but before she could do anything more that grunt angrily (She was NOT self righteous!) Zuko spoke again.

“But you chose to tell me and now I’m choosing to do the honorable thing here and marry you.  It takes two to tango right?”

When she looked unconvinced he continued quickly. “Look I’m not just going to abandon you! You can’t just waltz in here and say ‘oh hello Zuko how have you been? Oh by the way I’m PREGNANT with YOUR CHILD’  and just expect me to let you waltz right out of here again. That’s MY heir you’re carrying and by Agni I am going to do the right thing by you for his sake! I DON’T CARE about whatever stupid objections you might have because they are stupid and needlessly self sacrificing.  I’M THE FIRE LORD DAMN IT AND WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED!” Zuko hadn’t realized how worked up he was getting, or that he was nearly shouting at the top of his lungs until all the flames in the room suddenly roared higher.

Katara promptly burst into tears. Zuko was immediately remorseful.

“Oh god don’t cry-“ He wasn’t good with girls, or tears, or girls with tears. Especially not Katara, she was supposed to be fierce and strong, and kick his ass. Before Zuko was fully aware of what he was doing he had closed the distance between him and Katara, holding her firmly in his embrace as she sobbed into his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry” He tried, which only seemed to make Katara cry harder.

She couldn’t help it. She had worn herself so thin worrying about his reaction, her family’s reaction, the whole damn situation and suddenly he was saying he wanted to make things a whole lot easier for her because it was the right thing to do.

As she cried into his shoulder she wondered why he had transformed from a selfish boy into a man when she hadn’t been looking.

“Zuko- this isn’t going to be easy.” She warned.

“I Know” Zuko whispered holding her tighter. And he did know. There would be rumors, and gossip and scandal, despite their best efforts to stop it. Then there was the reaction of Katara’s Family, Zuko paled a little at the thought of facing down a pissed off, boomerang wielding  Sokka. But Zuko would stand firm, like he always did. He would not give up. Honor.

“Suki is going to be so mad.” She whispered more to herself than anything. When he quirked his eyebrow at her in question she smiled “I think Suki was really hoping to get married first.”

He grinned a little at that. “Oh well, Uncle will be pleased. He loves babies, and weddings. Any occasion he can shop for. “

She snorted in laughter and then immediately sobered. “So we’re actually going to do this huh?”


“Ok” She said firmly, and Zuko could see her determination. She was willing to face this challenge with him.

“Ok.” He answered. As she buried her head in his shoulder once more, the warm feeling in Zuko’s brain exploded across his chest, for the moment overcoming his fears and uncertainties, and he recognized it, even if he wasn’t ready to put a name to it just yet. But it was the part of Zuko that had always secretly admired Katara and it was the impulse that had led him to take her to bed two months ago after a night of celebrating his coronation.

Maybe this whole thing was just a big mistake, Zuko thought, but his heart whispered Maybe not.

The End

Just a MistakeCollapse )

3rd-Apr-2011 01:24 am - Tell Me

Title: Tell me
Pairing: QMi
Genre: Romance/smut(ish)
Rating: R

Summary: “Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this.” Kyuhyun panted against the damp, soft , skin of Zhou Mi’s neck.

A/N Sorry, I’m still a little rusty at this, just trying to flex my writing muscles. I haven’t written anything in what seems like forever but I’m trying to get back in the practice of it. Let me know what you think. Comments are love!

Tell Me

“Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this.” Kyuhyun panted against the damp, soft , skin of Zhou Mi’s neck. He knew they should stop. He needed Zhou Mi to tell him to stop.

Because if not Kyuhyun would have no choice but to pull Zhou Mi close for one more sloppy kiss. Which would lead to more touching, lower touching, and Kyuhyun is already in the position of having to seriously question his sexuality as he has Zhou Mi pushed up against the wall, with his shirt unbuttoned Kyuhyun playing shamelessly with his nipples, lips red and bruised from recent activity hair and face dripping with sweat.

Kyuhyun wondered where all this heat had come from, all he had done was have a couple drinks, but as it seemed to Kyuhyun the air around Zhou Mi was always unnaturally warm, as if the electric heat from his dark gaze was physically manifest.

ZhouMi head was swirling from the alcohol. He was lost in the pleasurable sensations of Kyuhyun’s kisses and rough touches, unable to think beyond the simplest thought of this good, don’t stop.

Out loud he valiantly tried not to slur his words too badly. “But…I don’t want you to stop…” He said rather stupidly, eyes glassy and dark.

Later Kyuhyun would worry about this causing more problems than it solved, but for now he was drunk on more than just alcohol. He was intoxicated by Zhou Mi’s goofy smile, his smell, the way he growled when Kyuhyun bit on the soft spot of skin just below Zhou Mi’s ear.

They’d been dancing around this for months. It was all but inevitable that after a few drinks the gentle playful touches would become rough fingernails raked across hardened nipples, demanding gropes that turned into fingers grappling for every button, fastener, zipper until Zhou Mi was out of his pants with Kyuhyun kneeling in front of him doing the most amazing thing with his tongue that left Zhou Mi incoherent with want.

He wasn’t alone.

“Zhou Mi, please.” Kyuhyun had to try again, before he lost himself completely. “Tell me to stop. If you don’t I’m not sure I’m going to be able too.”

Zhou Mi panted, all he cared about was that the warm wet pressure that was so damn good a moment before had stopped.

“Nggghhhh” Was all he could get out. He was frustrated with Kyuhyun’s conscious constantly interrupting things. If I didn’t want this I would stop you. He thought, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to get his mouth working again, so he just wordlessly hauled Kyuhyun to his feet and pushed him backwards until they tumbled onto the bed.

After that Kyuhyun just let desire and instinct rule. Neither one had gone this far before, but they both wanted it, and Kyuhyun was too drunk off Zhou Mi to say no anymore.  It was messy, and sloppy, but it was oh so good. Rough and Raw and heated, it was fire, Zhou Mi was on fire but he wanted more.

“Faster. Harder. Just…”

Kyuhyun was panting, sweat was making the skin between them slick. He was close, so close, and from the way Zhou Mi was moaning he was close too. Kyuhyun was too lost in the moment to tell him to not wake the others. All he cared about was pleasure, and more, and faster, and harder, and he just…there.

He bit into Zhou Mi’s shoulder to keep from crying out as the waves of orgasm rocked through his body, his hips bucked uncontrollably into Zhou Mi, as the other came with a cry, spilling onto Kyuhyun’s hand, just as he spilled into Zhou Mi.

They detangled from each other and dropped into an exhausted heap together on the bed, instinctually wanting to be near each other.

“Tell me that wasn’t a mistake.”

“Hmm?” Zhou Mi was almost asleep already.  

“Tell me…tell me you love me” Kyuhyun could feel his eyes grow watery, because if this ended up ruining everything he would never be able to forgive himself. He hated being vulnerable, but between Zhou Mi, the alcohol and what had just happened Kyuhyun didn’t have much of a choice.

“Kui Xian” Zhou Mi said in a tone that brokered no argument. “You already know that I do.”

The End

2nd-Apr-2011 09:36 pm - Falling in Love

Title: Falling in Love
Pairing: Kangteuk
Genre: Romance/Fluff
Rating: PG

Summary: What Leeteuk knows about falling in love  is completely wrong.

Leeteuk knew about love, or at least he thought he did, it was inevitable given his career choice. When you are an idol you get to sing sickly sweet bubble gum lyrics about the girl of your dreams. Songs about falling in love, staying in love forever, losing love, these were all things Leeteuk knew, and knew well.

Practically his whole life he had been inundated by images of love, his whole job depended on how well the fans loved him, and Leeteuk knew enough about love to manipulate that.

Falling in love is like sky diving off a cliff and hoping the other person is there to catch you. It’s like drowning in the ocean, being swamped by desire. It’s sweaty palms, and nervous laughter, it’s like butterflies in your stomach. Falling in love has been likened to a million cliché things. And that’s what Leeteuk knew.

Until he met Kangin.

More specifically until that one ordinary day over dinner when he realized he was in love with Kangin.

It was a surprise to be sure. Leeteuk hadn’t expected the revelation. Because falling in love with Kangin hadn’t been like drowning, or falling off a cliff, there were no violins playing a romantic melody in the background.

Falling in love with Kangin had been tired smiles over breakfast, practical jokes on fellow bandmates, giving up a few precious hours of sleep just to stay up and talk. It hadn’t been a wave of desire crashing over him, it had been a slow trickle building up over months and years of friendship.

The moment he realized that he was in love hadn’t hit him like a ton of bricks. They were sitting on the futon at 11:14pm eating their instant ramen and Leeteuk had looked at Kangin, and Kangin had smiled back at Leeteuk, and then Leeteuk had said

“Kangin, I think I’m in love with you”

And Kangin had said “Ok” and kissed back.

Falling in love was nothing like Leeteuk had expected, and until that moment Leeteuk never realized how short all the clichés fell.

The End

1st-Apr-2011 12:43 am - I Don't Know You Anymore

Title: I Don't Know You Anymore
Pairing: Kangteuk (I'm a traditionalist!)
Rating: Pg
Genre: Angst

A/N Inspired by Savage Garden's "I Don't Know You Anymore." Please listen if you haven't heard it. It is a beautiful song. I guess I just felt like writing something. ^-^

I don’t know you anymore

Leeteuk wasn’t sure what had made him pick up the phone and dial the old familiar number. The voice that answered was still the same and for a moment Leeteuk could pretend that nothing had changed, but only for a moment. But in that one sweet blissful moment Leeteuk was happier than he had been in months.

“Yobeseyo?” Said the voice on the other end of the telephone line, the voice that was still the same even though everything else was different.

“Kangin” Leeteuk breathed into the phone, then shaking his head because that wasn’t right. It wasn’t Kangin anymore.

“Youngwoon” He corrected.

A pause.

Then “Jungsu-hyung? Is that you?”

Leeteuk sighed. He could be Jungsu, for Kangin he could. “Yeah it’s me”

Silence hung between them, an unreachable distance and Leeteuk wasn’t sure why he had called.

“Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called…”

“No …Hyung…I’m, I’m glad you did.”

Hyung. In the old days it had never been Hyung.

“Don’t!” Leeteuk said it more sharply than he had intentded. He hadn’t meant to reveal so much of himself in one word. In the old days he wouldn’t have been afraid to tell Kangin everything, his joys, his worries, the mundane details of his day, but that was before. He had learned to be cautious now.  It was just easier that way.

“Don’t, please don’t call me that.” He said in a more gentle tone.

“O-ok Jungsu” Kangin corrected. “Are you alright?”

No I am not alright. Leeteuk wanted to yell. I am no alright because you left us, you left me, and I don’t know how to pick up the pieces without you.

It had been a year almost two, and Leeteuk still couldn’t figure it out. But instead of saying all the things he wanted to say Leeteuk listened to his instincts for self preservation.

“I’m fine” he answered. “I just…I wanted to hear your voice again.” There wasn’t really a reply Kangin could make to that, and Leeteuk wasn’t really looking for one. There was just one thing more Leeteuk needed to hear.

“I guess…I guess I’m just wondering…if things had gone differently…do you think we would have…?” Leeteuk let the question trail off. They both knew where it was heading anyways, and they both knew it was veering into dangerous territory. The parts they weren’t quite ready to talk about yet.

Leeteuk had learned to deal with it, the constant heartache that was more akin to a soul ache. He had learned to function through the pain until the pain itself had become ordinary. The wounds had been so rough at the beginning, so raw and painful, Leeteuk had slapped on his cheap band-aids, his cobbled together bandages of friends and bandmates. He wasn’t ready to take them off yet. He wasn’t yet ready to face the scars he would be left with. He wasn’t sure Kangin was either.

 Again there was a silence on the line.

Finally Kangin sighed, a deep heavy sigh that reminded Leeteuk again of how much they both had changed.

“Yeah Teuk, I really think we would have”

That was all Leeteuk needed.

“Look Jungsu I really should go, I’m kind of in the middle of something.” It was a poor attempt at escape, a hasty retreat but Leeteuk understood.

“Right Yeah, ok. Sorry I called…” Neither one of them was sure how to end it.

“It’s ok.”

“Right Ok, Bye”

“Goodbye Teuk.”

And then there was silence, where ‘I Love You’ used to stand.

22nd-Aug-2010 12:49 am - Admitting It Two: Seme edition

Title: Admitting It Two: Seme editiong
Pairings: Bumry, KyuMi, YeWook, Eunhae, Kangteuk, SiMin and Hanchul
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Good old fashioned Romance and Fluff
Summary: A little annoyed by the Uke's bet against them, the Semes seek their revenge in the form of another bet. Sequel to "Admitting it" (but youdon't have to read part one to enjoy, I of course suggest that you do but you don't have to)

A/N Couple of things: First thanks readers for waiting so long for me to finish something you guys are awesome, secondly the Eunhae chapter the original idea of it is not mine, I borrowed it from a fic I read a really long time ago, I tweaked it alittle. I don't know the name of the fic or who wrote if, but if it sounds similar to something you wrote let me know and I will give you due credit. Thanks Kids and Remember Comments are Love :)


Admitting it TwoCollapse )



17th-Aug-2010 01:49 am - Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover

Title: Fifty ways to leave your lover(drabble)
Pairing: Sungmin/non specific
Rating: Pg-pg13
Summary: Sungmin waits at a bus stop three blocks from his apartment and contemplates love and why he's leaving.

A/N Was listening to Paul Simon's "There must be 50 ways to leave your lover" and was inspired to write this little drabble-let. It's weird, unedited and no I'm not sure what any of it means. I promise to be a better writer and write more soon. In the meantime, enjoy and remember comments are love.



There must be Fifty ways to leave your loverCollapse )


8th-Aug-2010 11:51 pm(no subject)
May the broken heal the broken.
30th-Apr-2010 02:22 am - Drabbles.


A/N Various drabbles I’ve written, trying to cure myself of silence and insomnia all in one go. Hope everyone enjoys. (I know he’s gonna hate me for this but dedicated to my boyfriend, you’re the Han to my Chul, and the Kyu to my Mimi without even trying, thanks for putting up with my crazy, fangirling, and general insomnia. I love you like Sungmin loves pink.)


Different Plans (Hanchul PG)

Heechul would think to himself later that this wasn’t how things were supposed to have turned out. Not that Heechul believed in forever. But he had believed in Hangeng. And he never believed he would do something like this.

When they talked on the phone now Heechul always stopped short of asking. He would ask how Hangeng was doing, how his mother was, how China was, but Heechul would never ask about us the way he was longing too. Part of him thought this was cowardly and part of him thought it was self preservation. If he never asked, Hangeng couldn’t say the dreaded words “what us?”.

So he asked what it was like, sleeping before midnight every day, and never mentioned the fact that he wasn’t sleeping at all. And Hangeng would ask how Heechul’s diet was going. Heechul would force a laugh, never saying that he wasn’t dieting on purpose, he just couldn’t eat.

In his mind’s eye Heechul had never seen them together forever. Forever was too big and too inconceivable, and too long. But he had always figured on longer than this. Six years was not long enough to love someone like Hangeng.

And Heechul wasn’t sure that he could stop.


Beside you (Non specified pairing written with Kangteuk in mind PG)

I always sleep better beside you, you know. When I’m snuggled into your bare chest with my head tucked under your chin like I belong there, because let’s face it I do.

Being beside you calms me like nothing else on earth. It doesn’t matter if all we have is one hurried kiss in the morning before rushing out the door, it’s worth it to wake up next to you.

Even if you snore and grind your teeth, and even if I talk and flail around in my sleep, it’s worth it.

I love how when I roll over on my side, you follow and wrap an arm around my waist, assuring yourself that I’m still there, and assuring me of all the warmth and love in the whole world.

It’s like my body subconsciously knows that I’m going to wake up to your morning breath and your morning smile and decides for once to let go of the tension that during the day threatens to over take me till I can’t even breathe. Because being beside you is the only place where I get to be me.

Not only that but me being beside you is where you get to be you. You are you, and I am me and we can just be two people in love, when I’m lying beside you.

I love how you know what I need without ever needing me to say it.

Love (Yewook PG)

Ryewook loved people in love. Not like that mind you. He just liked watching two people in love being together, laughing together over nothing, doing the most menial tasks, because when two people were in love, truly in love, it was almost palpable. And it was contagious.

Ryewook took joy in couples like Kangin and Leeteuk. People that you just knew were in love and were going to last. When they walked into a room, you couldn’t help but smile. The whole atmosphere seemed lighter somehow.

Sometimes Ryewook wondered if he would ever find someone that would look at him the way Kangin looked at Leeteuk, like Leeteuk was the only person in the room, the only thing in the entire world that mattered. At those times Ryewook would smile up at Yesung and remind himself, he already had.


I Just Can’t Say No (QMi PG-13)

“But Kui Xian I-“
“No.” Kyuhyun said with finality.

Zhou Mi pouted.

“No Zhou Mi. I don’t care how much you pout. We are not getting a cat!” Kyuhyun sighed wearily. It was a familiar argument, one they had often.

Zhou Mi’s pout deepened. His full lower lip jutting out like a child’s. “But Heechul-gege has one! Actually he has 3! We don’t even have one!”

“Zhou Mi” Kyuhyun said patiently. “If we got a cat, there would be no we. There would be a you playing with the adorable kitten and a me, cleaning up after it. Don’t even try to tell me it’s false. Because you know that I’m right.” To prove the finality of his words Kyuhyun placed his ear phones over his ears, and to protect himself from the pouting Zhou MI, Kyuhyun closed his eyes for good measure.

“But Kui Xiannnnn” Zhou Mi whined. “I want a kitten!”
“Kui Xian? Kui Xian! Are you listening to me?”

Realizing he was thwarted by the headphones Zhou Mi decided on a plan. He slunk over to where Kyuhyun was sitting, losing himself in music. Zhou Mi tiptoed silently till he was right behind Kyuhyun’s chair.

He slowly lifted off the left headphone and whispered seductively. “Will you get me a kitten?”

“No” Was the short answer.

But Zhou Mi wasn’t done. “Will you get me a kitten if I’m very very good?”

“Hmmm no” He could tell Kyuhyun was considering it.

Zhou Mi’s voice dropped even lower as he practically purred. “What if I’m very very bad?”

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. Knowing full well what Zhou Mi was implying.

He heaved a sigh, frustrated that he could never win against a Zhou Mi armed with a pouty face and seduction.

“Fine. We can get a cat.”

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